he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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