i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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