ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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