I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need a beard to bite.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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