life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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