let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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