I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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