you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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