you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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