she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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