I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you never un-have a 4some
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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