If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
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Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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