you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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