he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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