im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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