I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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