I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize