using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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