I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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