Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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