remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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