So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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