ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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