I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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