It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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