Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize