I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love having hate sex.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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