Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize