There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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