Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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