with your own penis?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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