I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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