every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
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I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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