Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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