It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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