I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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