She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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