Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize