it hurts more in the daytime
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tasted many bathrooms
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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