My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
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We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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