There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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