i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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