a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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