I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just puked most of my soul out..
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