ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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