When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
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Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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