i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My vagina is officially offended.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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