I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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