This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize