Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize